Merry christmas.I love my new camera and sidekick 3.

I'm starting over.
Soon.
everything.
im doing this for ME.

Be ready.

I have done some thinking.and although i miss michael like crazy,i dont need love to be happy.I have an amazing best friend,who is always there for me no matter what time of day,im always having an amazing time with her,i love her to death,i dont know what i would do without her.And my group of friends at school all leave me speechless,like alexis,me and her laugh so much together,i love it.Zach,he makes me laugh till i pee.Tom,i love giving that kid piggy back rides,and love watching him trying to hardcore dance.Bri is the sweetest,even though we didnt get along at one point,i love her so much,and i hope she knows that.and chris,hes such a dork.megan,omg,i love her alot,i miss being really close friends,but being just plain ol' friends is good enough.sarah,aw,this girl has been through alot,she is so sweet,i wuv yew sarah.Aubery,me and her are twins i swear,this girl is fucking crazy,lmao.Dylan! OMG,dylan dylan dylan,my daddy,he is aammazzing,funniest kid EVER,no lie.and how could i forget alan,my son,hes so adorable and funny,and laughs at stupid shit just like me! there are so much more people.but just the ones i named are so amazing,and are the reason i wake up eachmorning,they are all i need..and my family is also so amazing,especially amber,even though we never hang out anymore,i still love the girl more than life,and always wonder where i would be if it wasnt for her..so point is,i guess i dont need michael to be happy? even though being with him would make life even more perfect than it already is.But im not going to sit around and wait,im just gonna see what comes my way.

This is geting crazy.I never knew having your heart broken would still affect you three months after it happened.But i guess thats how love is.Yesterday i was in my kitches getting a dr.pepper,and i started thinking of Michael,and all the good times i had when i was with him,and soon they just started playing in my head non-stop like a movie,than i started bawling,got really dizzy and just fell to the floor.I cry practically every single day at school now,its a daily thing,people dont even bother to ask me whats wrong anymore.Its one of the hardest things i have ever gone through.especially because he was not only my first heart break but my first love.Im just about ready to give up on everything.

&& on top of all this my grandma just passed away 10/26 =[ her funeral was yesterday,i have been a wreck.I cried so hard i thought i was going to have to leave the service.


i havnt seen my bestfriend in a week.

this sucks.

Michaels little girlfriend broke up with him.
sooo hes single again =]

eerr,i dont think i cna hardly handle this anymore,Michael has another girlfriend..and funny thing is,he has only met her in person twice,and she lives an hour away from here.So he can only see her like every other weekend.which is gay.so many people are pissed at him and her,its such a long story that i dont feel like typing it,but if you KNEW the story than you would understand more why alot of people are pissed.im one of them,but its ok because on monday me and bri are going to trip him,than poke him really hard,than were going to tell a bunch of people that whenever they see him stop,point,say ewww,than run away.lmao,they would do it to,our friends are crazy.

anyways,so,im in love with one boy,that would be michael..and like three boys.
ones my age,were pretty good friends,he is SO hilarious,and the other two are
in tenth grade at colonial,they are so sweet :D and actually mature un like some people,
hence the name michael.

weelll,thats it.
goooddniigghhtt

Life was amazing,i had everything i had every dreamed of,An amazing boyfriend,and flawless friends.i still have the friends.but the boy is gone..Yeah,michael broke up me saturday night.He claims to still like me,but we were just having problems,and i agree 100 percent that we were having problems.But i wish he would have talked to me about,instead of breaking up with me THAN talking to me about.Im so young,and i feel so stupid saying this,but my feelings towards him are so strong,i love him.People can tell me a billion times that i dont know what love is,but no one knows how i feel.I did,and still do love him.We were only dating for a month..I have been crying everysingle day on and off since saturday,Its so hard.When he broke up with me i wasnt breathing for about 15 minutes.Maddy and me both thought i was about to die.There is no one in this world like michael,My heart physically hurts,Its like,truly broken.I dont think that i will ever get over this.he said on the phone that we will date again.I hope hes right,i really really do.anyways,enough with this depressing shit.

Last night i went to a fun spot lock in with Bri,Tom and michael.and bris neice Taylor. it was for Bris church,so we had to go to a service for THREE FUCKING HOURS,me and tom were being so rude,i feel like god is really mad at me,lmao.During the whole three hours,me and tom did nothing but laugh our asses off.lmfao.I feel so bad! but everything they said sounded wrong! "This may turn you on pastors" yeah,one of the pastor dudes said that.Than the lady was like "there are penicls in yuor penis" i dont think she said that,it just really sounded like it.than there was some black dude in a white mask doing a lame ass dance.i was laughing so hard that i had tears running down my face.same with Tom.."try the NEW faith burger!" lmmmfaaaooo.omg.

thann,i looked at michael and started bawling,people probally thought i was crying because of the video we were watching about homeless kids,buuuutttt,i wasnt.It was all michael! but tom made me feel better,because they were singing a song and it was like "im depreate for god,and im lost without god" but tom changed all the gods to michael.lmfao.

than we went to fun spot,it started out with me michael tom taylor and bri all togethor,but than me and bri went off,and michael and tom and taylor went off,i couldt stand watching michael and taylor flirt there fucking asses off.Than than than than,me and bri rode two spinny ass rides,and i felt so sick,so i went and sat with bris mom,THAN TOM CAME! we hung out,went to the arcade,stalked some girl that he wanted to bang.than we were all together again,me,bri,michael,tom,and taylor.and i told michael how i think he likes taylor and hes like no no,than i was saying how hes flirting really bad and he said he isnt.but whatever..I started crying,michael told me not to be sad but i really cant help it.we all rode the ferris wheel and i practically lost my voice,because me and tom are scared of heights so when we got to the top we screamed forever,lmao.ohhhhh,and than me and taylor kept like,falling asleep while we were walking.because we were there from midnight untill 6 AM..anyways,michael had to hold us up.and me him and taylor and tom went back on the ferris wheel,me and tay fell asleep with our heads in michaels lap.I was so happy being close to him again...than on the ride home i fell asleep in his lap again,but this time it was just me.i was so happy =]] thann when i got home at 7:00 am,i slept till 4:30.and my throat hurts,i can hardly talk,and my head is spinning.im soo sick feeling..But yeah,thats it.

life is still flawless. and i love it.

omgg! maddys was a blast. we got psychic readdinngs! dooodde. it was really creepy! it said that im going to die from water,like drowning i guess. my husband is gonna cheat on me,.but were going to work things out. and it said to not make any new friends or it will be the biggest regret of my life. and it said im going to get a boyfriend either in september,or like,a little after september. and she knew i had a older sister,i was like ommggg wtf! hahaa. andddd,she knew that im really happy in life right now,and how im going through changes. gooddd,it was so so fun! and her mom is the coolest,she paid for my giovannies. and bought me this cool ass pillow with speakers in it,you plug ur IPOD in and lsiten,haha,ssswweeeettt. anddd,festival bay last night,with maddy,carson,and nathan was pretty cool. than these to girls came,grace and gabby.they were nice,pretty cool,especially Gabby. haha. i did a numbie with maddy,i think i have an allergic reaction,cause my eyes were puffy as hell the rest of the night.hahahaaa.oh well! it doesnt even get you high,so i dunno. and than and than and than and than,me maddy carson and nathan were all in the boys bathroom,and when we came out these old people gave us the worst look. godd i loved it! and the way home was soo funny,carson was in front,and me maddy and nathan were in back.and carson was well,clueless at the moment...so i was like tapping his shoulder and he would turn around and be like wtfff. lolll,and i threw the dog on his head.